She is a bridesmaid for the fiancée of her older brother. Although they are not close, the Original Poster (OP) does not dislike her but she suspects she was asked to be a bridesmaid simply because she is her brother’s sister.
OP agreed to be a bridesmaid and to wear whatever style the fiancée (L) wanted, as long as it did not involve any major changes like cutting or dyeing her hair.
OP acknowledges that it is not her day and is willing to wear an unappealing dress and act as if it is beautiful if it makes L happy.
OP is a wheelchair user, causing some concerns regarding accessibility for the wedding reception.
OP knows that the wedding venue itself, which is their local church, is totally accessible for her, so that is not an issue.
Worries About the Venue
However, the venue for the reception is causing worry.
OP asked L where the reception would be held and whether it would be accessible for her, including an accessible bathroom.
Lack of Information
Unfortunately, L did not respond, so OP waited for about a week before following up with her again.
L then told OP that she was not sure if the reception venue was accessible, so OP asked where the venue was located.
An Unfortunate Discovery
After looking up the reception venue, OP’s heart sank as she discovered that the building was old and not accessible to her.
Additionally, there were no feasible bathroom options for her to use.
Bride Adores the Venue
OP informed L about this, which led to her becoming very upset.
In Love With the Venue
Apparently, OP’s brother (N) had assured her that he would cover the cost and that she could choose any venue she liked, and this was the one that she had fallen in love with.
An Alternative Suggestion
In an attempt to resolve the situation, L suggested that someone could carry OP into the building and that her family or the other bridesmaids could help her use the bathroom.
She Simply Couldn’t Accept the Proposition
However, the very idea of this mortified OP, and she was not willing to agree to be carried or need assistance with using the bathroom.
OP presented L with two options regarding the reception venue. If L wanted OP to attend the reception, she needed to choose a venue that was accessible.
Alternatively, if L chose a venue that was not accessible, OP would still be a bridesmaid at the wedding but would have to skip the reception.
Worried How That Would Look
L became upset at this and expressed concern that everyone, especially OP’s family, would notice and question her absence, which would reflect poorly on L.
Furthermore, L accused OP of making the situation about herself, which she felt was unfair since it was supposed to be her special day.
At this point, OP was feeling enraged and contemplated involving N to resolve the situation.
However, she decided against it to avoid causing any issues between L and N.
OP emphasized to L that she had no intention of making the day about herself.
However, by marrying N, L was joining their family, and she needed to understand that her suggestions were insensitive.
OP found the idea of being carried into the building and requiring assistance to use the bathroom insulting, and she clarified this to L.
The situation escalated into a bigger argument, and L threatened to revoke OP’s role as her bridesmaid.
At this point, OP decided to end the conversation and reiterated her two options, leaving the final decision up to L.
OP questioned whether she was in the wrong for asking for basic accessibility and wondered if her emotional response was clouding her judgment.
Someone Is on Her Side
OP informed N of the issue and found out that the couple had made an agreement where he would cover the ceremony and she would handle the reception.
N was upset about the suggestion that OP be carried into the building and helped to use the bathroom, and after a quick search of the venue, he could see that it would not be accessible for her.
A Promise of a Resolution
He promised to resolve the situation and talk to L.
N was annoyed that she did not bring the issue to his attention sooner, and he assured her that her feelings were more important than his over the matter.
Nothing Is Resolved
The venue had not yet been booked, and N promised to ensure that the venue was accessible.
In the end, N suggested that OP be his groomswoman instead of L’s bridesmaid, to which OP agreed.
She is still waiting for further updates from N.
Who’s In the Right?
Many commenters sided with the user, stating that L was in the wrong for not accommodating the user’s needs.
One comment stated, “She was completely out of line to ignore your requests for information about accessibility, especially given that you are going to be part of her new family AND her bridal party. This is on her. You asked early, she ignored you. She can have the venue she wants, and you’re not stopping her, but she has NO grounds to demand you attend at a venue that doesn’t accommodate you.”
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