A Reddit user asked the community if they were in the wrong for telling their fiancée that they could not depend on them if they were ever in a life-or-death situation.
OP believes that they possess a strong sense of situational awareness and is able to think quickly without panicking in dangerous situations.
A Lack of Awareness
In contrast, OP’s fiancé seems to lack awareness of potential danger in their surroundings and tends to panic and scream when faced with difficult situations.
OP notes that their fiancé’s survival instinct is comparable to that of a panda raised in captivity.
A Boat Trip in Rough Seas
On Friday, OP and some friends went on a boat trip, which ended up in a dangerous situation due to unexpected high winds and waves.
While OP and the other men on board tried to secure the boat and prevent it from capsizing, OP’s fiancée became hysterical and started screaming and crying.
She kept yelling that they were all going to die, and blaming OP for inviting her on the boat.
None of the other women on board reacted in the same way, despite being equally scared.
OP believes that they tried to keep their emotions in check for the sake of the men’s efforts to handle the situation.
Wailing and Crying
During the 15-minute downpour that endangered their boat trip, OP’s fiancée wailed in fear while OP and the other men did their best to manage the situation.
Although they made it back safely with only minor damage, OP was embarrassed by their fiancée’s behavior in front of their friends.
The behavior was not only unhelpful and distracting but also telling.
On the way home, OP decided to talk to their fiancée about her conduct during the crisis. OP had a conversation with their fiancée after the boat incident and expressed their concern that they could not count on her in a life-or-death situation.
OP stated that their fiancée needed to learn how to stay calm and be helpful instead of adding stress to the situation.
Angry and Defensive
However, the fiancée became extremely angry and defended her behavior, claiming that she was scared and had reason to panic
Despite OP’s explanation that everyone was scared but nobody acted as ridiculously as she did, they argued throughout the ride home, and the fiancée is still angry with OP.
It Needed Addressing
OP believes that it was important to express their concerns to their fiancée regarding her behavior during the boat incident, given their plans to build a life together and start a family.
OP feels that they cannot be the only level-headed person in the relationship. They are asking whether they are in the wrong for bringing this up with their fiancée.
In an edit, OP clarified that the other women on board did not help during the crisis because they lacked the experience to do so, not because of their gender.
The men on the boat had been out together many times before and knew what to do in this situation, so it was safer for everyone if the women stayed calm and out of the way until the problem was resolved.
She Made the Situation More Stressful
Several Reddit users commented on the situation. One user believed that OP was not to blame for confronting their fiancée about her unhelpful behavior during the boat incident.
The user argued that remaining calm in a crisis is a valuable skill, and the fiancée’s behavior only made the situation more stressful.
One user wrote “You’re absolutely correct that her behavior was unhelpful, and actually resulted in a more dangerous situation because of her distractions.
I don’t know if I could be with someone who has so little awareness. Maybe therapy can help, but being a person that enjoys outdoor activities that involve risks, not sure I would stick that out.”
However, other users disagreed, with many calling OP the problem for how they approached the conversation with their fiancée.
Some suggested that OP was more concerned with their own image in front of their friends than their fiancée’s safety, and that their reaction was misogynistic.
Others advised OP to approach the situation with empathy and understanding, rather than assigning blame and guilt.
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