This Redditor recounts a story where a self-proclaimed feminist friend, expressed disapproval of another friend’s decision to step away from her successful career to become a stay-at-home mom.
The Original Poster (OP) is a 30-year-old who belongs to a close friend group. One of the members of this group is a self-proclaimed feminist. While they aren’t OP’s best friends, she is a member of the friend group and frequently joins them on their outings.
The incident happened when OP’s best friend, Queen, aged 28, unexpectedly became pregnant last year after years of infertility problems.
Excitement filled the friend group as Queen revealed her intention to leave her job and become a stay-at-home mom. This decision was deeply personal to Queen, who had always desired to be an involved mother due to her own childhood experiences.
His Best Friend Was Having a Baby
Her husband, Jason, fully supported her choice, despite the financial adjustments it would entail.
Queen had a fantastic profession, especially for someone her age. She had quickly ascended the corporate ladder and was making a lot of money.
However, the “feminist” friend, Oof, aged 26, believed that Queen’s decision to leave her position and become a stay-at-home mother was an insult to women and feminism.
She Was Going to Step Down from Her Career
Because Oof would not let go of it and because she was unaware of Queen’s past, there was an odd amount of tension.
For context, Queen’s mother went away when she was a child, and she has genuinely always desired to be a mother, particularly one who was present for all the significant occasions of her child.
This was far more significant to Queen than money. Her husband, Jason, has always been aware of this and has always been entirely supportive of her choosing whatever will make her happy in the long term.
The Feminist Said It Was Anti-feminist to Do So
Even with some adjustments, he was still able to support the three of them with his income.
The story began when OP planned a huge friend vacation and leased a 6-bedroom cabin for a long weekend. Queen was expecting her first child at the time, but she and Jason told OP they would be coming.
Queen was still working up till she would bounce for maternity leave, but Oof had not stopped harping on about her decision.
OP says his feminist friend believed she could persuade Queen to change her mind.
OP didn’t want a weekend that he had paid for to be spoiled by dreary or unpleasant talk. Therefore, OP didn’t invite his feminist friend.
He Didn’t Invite the Feminist
Plus, once Oof had told Queen that “she was a real feminist, she wouldn’t want a man paying for all her things.”
OP mentioned that’s important because she complained that OP had unfairly excluded her after inviting everyone else.
As a result, OP remarked, “I figured you wouldn’t be comfortable with a man paying for all your things…”
OP says he never really liked Oof in the first place. To OP, real feminism is about people being able to be who they want to be without it being an issue of their gender and not putting new gender roles on people.
Since then, Oof has distanced herself from the group of friends and calls OP a sexist pig.
She Lashed Out at Him
So OP took to Reddit to ask if he was wrong for un-inviting her.
Redditors sided with OP and said that he was not wrong for what he did and that feminism is about having choices and control over one’s own life, and Oof isn’t a feminist, just a [jerk].
One Redditor wrote, “Oof was being needlessly cruel to Queen, and you have a perfect right not to condone or associate with that.”
Another Reddit user commented, “That is not feminism. That is just wanting women to be the opposite of stereotypical feminine activities, and she is the kind of person who gives feminists a bad name”
So what do you think? What would you have done if you were in this situation?
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Krakenimages.com. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.