This slice of family drama comes to us from Reddit. A man wants to know if he was in the wrong for telling his brother’s fiancée not to marry him! While it might seem insane, his reasons are hard to ignore! Read on to find out more.
His Kids Don’t Like His Fiancée
OP’s (the original poster) brother is engaged to a woman named Rebecca. The couple has been together for almost three years. Unfortunately, OP’s two nephews, aged 11 and 8, don’t like Rebecca and are unhappy that their father is dating again. They have not taken kindly to the idea of R becoming their stepmother and are not interested in getting to know her.
OP’s brother has been lying to Rebecca, telling her that the boys are in therapy to help them cope with their mother’s death. However, this is not the case, and the boys are not receiving any professional help.
OP feels bad for Rebecca, as she is incredibly eager to build a relationship with the boys and wants to have children with OP’s brother in the future.
The Relationship is Based on a Lie
Recently, OP’s brother tried to take the boys shopping to buy a gift for Rebecca’s birthday. The boys refused to go and made it clear that they did not see Rebecca as a part of their family. They told their father that they would not accept a sibling born from Rebecca and that they would rather live with their uncle, their mother’s brother.
OP’s oldest nephew confided in him that he was sad about his mother’s death and he thought that Rebecca was stupid for thinking she could now be their mom.
With a little bit of prodding, OP found out that his brother had been telling the kids repeatedly that she was going to be their new mom! This is completely careless and often leads to problems with stepmothers and children.
They Don’t Want a “New Mom”
This tactic will make kids think their stepmom wants to replace their deceased mom, which immediately builds resentment. It’s even worse in this situation, as Rebecca had no idea!
After hearing this, OP realized that he needed to warn Rebecca about the situation and the false expectations that she had about becoming a part of the family.
During a coffee meeting, OP told Rebecca the truth and advised her not to marry his brother. Rebecca was shocked and upset to learn that the boys were not receiving the therapy that her fiancé had told her they were receiving.
OP’s brother was angry about the situation once he found out what he had done and raged at him over the phone.
The Family Is Split
The situation has split the family, with OP’s mother siding with his brother and his other brother agreeing with OP. OP hopes that at some point, the boys will receive the help that they need to cope with their mother’s death and come to accept Rebecca as part of their family.
He is deeply concerned about his nephews and their well-being. He feels that his brother’s actions are not in their best interests and that they are going through unnecessary stress and anxiety. He also worries about Rebecca and her false expectations about the future.
He Was Looking Out for His Nephews
OP’s decision to tell Rebecca not to marry his brother was not an easy one, but he felt that it was the right thing to do. He hopes that his actions will lead to a positive outcome for everyone involved, especially his nephews.
OP is in a tough spot, but he did the right thing by warning Rebecca. It is not fair to her to enter into a marriage with someone who has lied to her about their situation and who is not willing to address the needs of his children.
The boys deserve to get the help they need to cope with their mother’s death, and they deserve to have a say in whether or not they accept Rebecca into their family.
His Brother Can’t Force His Children
OP’s brother needs to understand that he cannot force his children to accept someone new into their lives and that he needs to work with them to find a way forward that is healthy and positive for everyone involved.
Redditors were supportive of OP’s actions, recognizing that he did the right thing in trying to communicate with his brother first but ultimately needed to warn Rebecca about the situation. They also point out the brother’s irresponsible behavior in pursuing his own happiness over his children’s well-being and Rebecca’s feelings. They think that OP was not the jerk in this situation but rather someone who tried to protect Rebecca and the children from a toxic situation.
One user said, “Oh, I was so ready to hammer you for interfering, for talking to her and not to him. But you did the right thing. You tried talking to him, he didn’t listen. The boys hate Rebecca, and it’s mainly your brother’s fault. He’s trying to replace their mom, when he should be presenting it differently. Your brother will hate you, the rest of your family might get angry at you. Through it all, know that your nephews and Rebecca would otherwise have had a horrible relationship, the three of them deserve better. “
What do you think about this situation? Is he in the wrong for telling her the truth, or is his brother in the wrong for keeping it from her?
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Luis Molinero. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.