She told her ex-husband’s new partner that her needs are not her problem. She will contact her ex whenever she needs him to help with their children – or any other matter she sees fit.
A Broken Marriage
The original poster (OP) is a 33-year-old divorced woman with two children, aged six and four. She got divorced three years ago after her husband cheated on her with a 22-year-old woman, Ana.
Ana is now living with her ex-husband and his mother, and they have a three-month-old baby. Despite the divorce, OP and her ex-husband still co-parent their children.
OP lives a few blocks away, and she still calls her ex-husband when there is a problem at home, such as issues with the car or a leaky faucet, or when she needs him to pick up the kids from school.
His Affair Partner/Now Partner is Not Happy With Their Contact
According to her ex-husband and his mother, Ana has been complaining a lot lately about her husband having to help out with OP’s problems. Last Thursday, OP called her ex-husband because their youngest child had a bad cough, and she asked him to buy some syrup for the child.
While they were talking, Ana took the phone and told OP that it was late and that she should stop thinking that her “husband” was going to run after her wherever she wanted. Ana continued complaining and told OP that if she needed something, she could go to the drugstore herself because her ex-husband was with his family, and she and her child also needed him.
“Monopolizing His Time”
She accused OP of “monopolizing his time” and claimed that OP didn’t care about her or her child’s needs.
OP told Ana to stay out of it and let her talk with her ex-husband. Ana called OP names and accused her of pretending to be still married to her ex-husband. OP got sick of Ana’s attitude and told her that she didn’t care about her or her child’s needs.
She reminded Ana that she was the one who had an affair with a married man and suggested that if she didn’t want a guy with a family, she shouldn’t have slept with a married man. OP hung up on Ana after telling her that she would wait for the syrup.
She Left Him
OP’s ex-mother-in-law visited the children on Saturday and told OP that Ana had gotten very angry with her ex-husband and had a big argument. Ana left with the baby and hasn’t come back since then.
Later, OP talked to her coworker about the situation, and her coworker told her that she was mean to Ana and should have been more understanding since Ana had a baby and might be going through a hard time.
OP is now wondering if she is the jerk in this situation. Some Reddit users were supportive of her, stating that Ana had no right to interfere with her ex-husband’s responsibilities as a parent. Others were more critical, pointing out that OP should care for her own problems instead of relying on her ex-husband and that Ana might feel left out and overwhelmed as a new mother.
She Knows She Might Have Been Harsh
OP acknowledges that she might have been harsh with Ana, but she still thinks that she was out of line for interfering with her conversation with her ex-husband. OP also believes that Ana should have known what she was getting into when she had an affair with a married man with children!
While she understands that Ana might be going through a tough time, she doesn’t think that it gives her the right to take her frustrations out on her.
OP is torn between feeling like she was justified in her actions and feeling like she might have been too harsh on Ana. She understands that she might be having a hard time and feel like her partner is ignoring her needs. At the same time, OP believes that her ex-husband has a responsibility to their children and that Ana should not interfere with that.
She Felt Vindicated
After reading through the responses on Reddit, OP was relieved to see that most people are on her side. Some Reddit users said OP was a jerk for not having proper boundaries with a married father. Still, most commenters agree that her ex-husband has a responsibility to his children and that Ana shouldn’t be complaining about it. Some commenters even suggest that Ana is afraid of being left by her partner.
One user said that as long as OP keeps her calls to her ex-husband strictly about the kids and their welfare, it’s okay to contact him in an emergency. However, the user also advised the OP to start sorting out her own problems, like leaky faucets, to avoid engaging in a power play with Ana, which could end in disaster.
What do you think about this woman’s story? Is she in the right, or should she back off slightly?
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / AlenD. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.