When you get asked to be a bridesmaid, it’s usually a happy moment. But, unfortunately, when the bride-to-be is a bit too demanding, it can cause issues. This is the situation this Redditor found herself in when her brother’s fiancée asked her to be a bridesmaid in their upcoming wedding.
She Has an Important Job: Fire Marshal
The Original Poster (OP) is a fire marshal working in an office that conducts fire investigations.
She works all different shifts, including overnight and weekend shifts, as fires don’t simply happen from Monday to Friday during business hours.
The story began when her brother, Harold, and his fiancée Lillian announced the date of their wedding shortly after the engagement and long before OP was asked to be a bridesmaid.
She Made the Necessary Arrangements
OP’s timetable is rotational and goes in a pattern so she can see it years in advance. She was supposed to work on the day of the wedding but she made plans to switch shifts with another marshal.
She made sure she wouldn’t have to work and could attend the wedding and reception. Otherwise, she would have to start working before the ceremony and not finish until after the reception.
In order for OP to serve as a bridesmaid, she would have to attend Lillian’s dress fittings, go on the group shopping trip to buy the bridesmaid dresses, help organize, host, and clean up the bridal shower, help plan and attend the bachelorette party, help with tasks like decorating the reception room, and more.
There Will Be More Commitments
Lilian is upfront about the type of commitment she seeks.
However, with OP’s work schedule, she says she can’t possibly do all that.
The dates and times for those aren’t set and have to work around Lillian’s schedule foremost.
OP asked Lillian if she could attend the wedding solely as a bridesmaid.
But Lillian shockingly said a firm no. She wants her bridesmaids devoted to those things.
She Tried to Step Down
OP was shocked and she mentioned that previously her sister asked her to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and she couldn’t do it for identical reasons.
OP mentioned that unlike her brother and Lillian, OP’s sister was understanding and did not lose it.
OP mentioned it to Lillian and she thanked her for asking her to be the bridesmaid. In an effort to make up for not being able to be a bridesmaid, she offered to pay for Lillian’s hair and cosmetics separately as her present.
They Wouldn’t Compromise
But to OP’s surprise, Harold and Lillian said that it’s not good enough and OP is exaggerating the problem at work. They want OP to change her mind.
OP says that Harold and Lillian both work for themselves as independent contractors and set their own hours.
Harold suggested that OP just skip work or leave early, but OP says that isn’t how it operates in the event of a fire or an investigation, so she can’t just leave.
OP didn’t think politely declining would be a big deal but Harold and Lillian flipped out and other people were getting involved and saying she was wrong.
Now OP is in doubt as to whether she was wrong and she took to Reddit to ask for their opinions.
Hundreds of comments poured supporting OP.
They Should Be More Flexible
Many comments said that OP is not wrong and that it’s not her fault that her brother and his fiancée are incapable of understanding the world does not revolve around them.
One Redditor wrote, “Lillian doesn’t want a bridesmaid, she wants free labor. Even if you committed to the things she asked, she’d find more. The fact that they are completely unwilling to compromise means they don’t actually care about having you in the wedding party….they want an extra person to set stuff up and to pay for bachelorette/bridal shower things.”
Another Reddit user pointed out that as she’s unable to meet the level of commitment needed, it is much better than disappointing the bride continually in the upcoming months.
So what do you think? Did OP do the right thing by refusing to be the bridesmaid?
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Cookie Studio. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.