In a recent Reddit post, this guy found himself torn between his desire to meet his boyfriend’s parents and the discomfort with the proposed plan of introducing his sister as their partner instead.
They Kept Their Relationship a Secret
The Original Poster (OP) and his boyfriend, Ahmad, are both 25 years old and have been dating for almost 24 months now.
As neither of them has a family that would understand their love, they initially kept it a secret. Except for OP’s younger sister, no one else in his family was aware that OP was gay.
However, the situation changed when they decided to move in together a few months ago.
It Was Time to Come Out
Ahmad is from Turkey, and his parents still reside there, while OP and his boyfriend both live in Germany, just 100 km apart from OP’s parents.
OP said that once they moved in, there was no way to keep their love a secret from their parents.
Plus, OP did not want his parents to learn about it from another person. Not to mention he didn’t want to hide it any longer.
So, as a couple, Ahmed and OP decided to pay a visit to both of their parents.
They Met His Parents First
They visited OP’s parents first because they were considerably closer.
It wasn’t great, as OP had expected, and OP had to use phrases like “Ahmed is the person in my life who most closely resembles a partner” to convey his point. Finally, OP’s parents accepted his relationship and expressed their support.
However, Ahmad was taking his time with the whole “them visiting his parents” thing. OP observed that he made a point of leaving him out of the pictures he sent home. And the few images that he did send nearly always featured OP’s sister along with OP.
OP explained that it was crucial for him to go see Ahmed’s family. And OP admitted to Ahmed that being left out of his pictures, the one he’s sending home, did hurt.
His Boyfriend’s Situation Was More Complicated
While OP was able to disclose his relationship to his parents, Ahmad’s situation was more complicated.
Hailing from Turkey, where cultural expectations and traditional values may pose challenges for same-sex relationships, Ahmad expressed reservations about introducing his boyfriend to his parents.
Ahmed said that OP was unfamiliar with Turkish culture and that OP doesn’t even speak Turkish. But Ahmed said he would try to make arrangements if it were really important to OP.
So recently, Ahmed announced a plan that they would go to Turkey to visit his parents.
He Would Introduce Him as a Friend Rather Than a Partner
But there was a catch. Ahmed wanted OP’s sister to pose as his partner to avoid a potential conflict with his parents.
While Ahmad saw this as a pragmatic solution, OP struggled with the idea of pretending to be someone else and having his sister take his place.
OP was torn after hearing this offer. But OP thought that, in some ways, it makes sense because his sister will enjoy the trip, OP will get to meet his future in-laws, and Ahmed won’t have to deal with the conflict with his family.
However, OP simply couldn’t make it work. Having to act as a different person and having his sister sit next to Ahmad instead of him made OP feel weird.
As a result, OP rejected visiting Ahmed’s parents, saying that Ahmad should exhibit the same courage OP had shown when coming out to his own parents.
He Couldn’t Agree to the Proposal
OP took to Reddit to ask if he was wrong for refusing the visit.
Redditors were split in their views, with some supporting OP and some saying no one was in the wrong here.
One Reddit user supported OP and wrote, “You are not wrong for rejecting that plan. I think that not wanting to participate in a plan that negates your role in his life and misleads everyone is fair. However, you do need to back off and give him time to get to a place where he is ready to tell his parents on his own. Just because you are ready doesn’t mean he is, and pushing this issue will only cause resentment.”
Another Redditor said that no one is wrong here and commented, “The only [jerks] are the homophobic bigots that you each have to deal with. I’m sorry that you can’t be viewed as a real couple by each other’s family.”
So what do you think? What would you have done if you were in OP’s situation?
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Cast Of Thousands. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.