This tragic tale of family drama comes from Reddit, where a man wanted to know if he was in the wrong for not going to his daughter’s wedding.
He’s Not Going to the Wedding
Our Original Poster (OP) recently came under fire for not attending his eldest daughter’s wedding and is still dealing with guilt and confusion over his decision.
Losing a baby
The wedding was to take place on March 25, which was also the birthday of his other daughter, who sadly passed away at only three months old in 2022.
His wife, who is not the mother of his eldest daughter, had been wanting to celebrate their daughter’s life on her birthday, and OP didn’t feel it was appropriate to leave her alone on that day while they were still grieving.
Their Relationship Wasn’t Close
OP and his eldest daughter had never been close as she had to move away with her mother when she was two years old.
OP only saw her a few times a year until she was in her early teens when she no longer wanted to visit during the summers.
He tried to visit, but it was like pulling teeth for her to make time for him.
A Strained Relationship
If he wasn’t able to see her, OP always sent gifts and cards, especially on Christmas and her birthday.
He called every chance he got, but 99% of the time, her mother wouldn’t allow them to talk.
OP would have talked to her everyday if her mother had allowed it, and he would have taken her anytime if he could have.
Despite His Best Efforts
During her childhood, OP would scrimp and save, sometimes even starving, so he could afford to see her a few times a year!
He had to pay for travel and a hotel room during the week or so he was there.
Not That Date
Although he understood that March 25 was significant to his daughter’s relationship – it was the day they’d first met – he had told her during the wedding planning process that he wouldn’t attend if she chose that date.
She Sets the Wedding Date
Mentally, he wasn’t in a good place on that day – a day that was full of tears for him.
Despite countless discussions about the date, she still chose it.
OP had pleaded with his daughter not to pick it because he just couldn’t mentally handle it, yet she ignored his wishes.
Can’t Leave His Wife Alone
He couldn’t leave his wife on their deceased daughter’s first birthday, and attending the wedding would have meant traveling hundreds of miles away from her while they both grieved heavily.
In the end, the grandfather of the bride walked her down the aisle
Despite feeling guilty about missing his daughter’s special day, OP is unsure if what he did was wrong.
Since missing the wedding, he’s received many scathing messages from his daughter’s side of the family, particularly her mother.
OP’s daughter had never really acknowledged that she had a sister and did not even send a condolence text when she passed.
When OP told her that his wife was pregnant, his daughter did not offer any congratulations, and there was nothing but radio silence from her.
OP knew that there would be no tribute to his deceased daughter at the wedding, and they hadn’t even invited his wife.
OP helped pay for the wedding, and walking away from his daughter feels like abandonment.
Despite what everyone around him says, he fought like mad to be a part of her life and prove his love for her.
Failure as a Father
But he felt like he had failed her constantly, and walking away felt like another failure as a father.
Should He Have Gone?
Although the groom was understanding and tried to talk the OP’s daughter out of that date, the rest of her family had been unkind and cruel towards the OP, his wife, and their baby daughter.
All the Empathy
A horrible situation to be in, which Reddit empathized with. They thought this man was not in the wrong and that his daughter had acted terribly by deciding on the date even though she knew what it meant to her father.
One user said, “It’s not just the dead child, but to leave your partner who is mourning the loss of your child on what would have been the child’s first birthday? That’s a pretty big deal. One year ago, the partner who was not invited gave birth to their baby. Their baby never got a birthday to celebrate. Anniversaries are significant.”
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Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Jasen Wright. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.
This post is based on Reddit but the names have been changed.