In this tale, we meet Andrew, a hardworking individual who finds himself questioning the dynamics of his relationship with his girlfriend. Frustrated by what he perceives as an unequal distribution of responsibilities, Andrew turned to Reddit for validation and guidance. Let’s see what he had to say.
Andrew’s Expectations
Andrew (mid-40s) lives with his girlfriend, Sophie (early 20s). He works full-time and covers most of the expenses, including food, utilities, vacations, the mortgage, and dining out.
Sophie’s Workload
On the other hand, Sophie works part-time, putting in around 8-16 hours during the summer and 5-8 hours a week while attending university.
She’s Still Studying
Her university schedule consists of approximately 8 hours of lectures per week, and apart from that, she doesn’t engage in many other activities except for the week before an assignment is due.
Limited Financial Contribution
Sophie received a student loan, which she primarily uses to pay for personal bills and spends the remainder on herself and their daughters.
However, she doesn’t make any significant financial contributions to the household except for occasional token gestures. This led Andrew to have higher expectations of her.
Andrew’s Beliefs
Andrew believes that Sophie should contribute more to the household, keep the house clean, and cook meals.
Sophie’s Efforts
Sophie started doing some of these tasks, such as occasional cleaning, loading the dishwasher, and cooking 4-5 times a week.
However, her idea of cooking involved heating ready-made meals in the oven rather than preparing meals from scratch.
Andrew’s Dissatisfaction
Andrew felt that Sophie’s efforts were not enough and expressed his dissatisfaction, but Sophie accused him of never being satisfied, which he believed was untrue.
What More Do You Want?
He claimed that whenever she did something, he expressed his appreciation and thanked her.
He also tried to do nice things for her, such as taking her out to dinner and planning vacations.
Andrew’s Frustration With the Contrast in Workloads
However, Andrew finds it difficult to accept the stark contrast between their workloads.
While he works 40 hours a week, Sophie works only 8 hours on a single day and spends the rest of her time in bed, scrolling on her phone until late morning.
When Andrew asks her to make lunch, she often refuses, and she also refuses to clean up certain things, claiming she shouldn’t have to pick up after him.
Sophie’s Perspective
Sophie argues that she is not obligated to do things for Andrew and that he could make his own lunch and clean up after himself.
Andrew acknowledged that he could handle these tasks himself but questioned why he should financially support her while she spent her time in bed. He believes that Sophie should contribute financially as well.
Feeling Taken Advantage Of
Andrew began to feel taken advantage of, and resentment grew. Sophie’s response made him feel like he was asking for a slave when all he wanted was some balance and reciprocity in their relationship.
Now, Andrew wonders if he was being unreasonable for having these expectations of Sophie.
Are Andrew’s Expectations Unreasonable?
Redditors had varying opinions on the matter, but the majority of them believe that Andrew is the one being unreasonable in his expectations of Sophie.
They pointed out that Sophie already had a significant workload, including attending university full-time, working part-time, and taking care of multiple children.
Many Redditors felt that Andrew’s request for Sophie to make his lunch and pick up after him was unfair and demonstrated a lack of appreciation for the work she was already doing.
Understanding Different Contributions in a Relationship
It seems as though Andrew is being unreasonable in his expectations of Sophie.
The giveaway is his asking her to make his lunch, which suggests that his concerns are not solely about her pulling her own weight but rather about her catering to his needs and desires.
If it were indeed about her contributing more financially, the focus would be on her finding a better job and taking on more financial responsibilities.
Recognizing the Labor It Takes to Manage a Household
Andrew’s expectations reflect a lack of understanding and appreciation for the mental and emotional labor involved in managing a household.
Sophie likely takes on additional responsibilities, such as planning meals and grocery shopping, which require effort and time.
Navigating Expectations
By disregarding these contributions, Andrew fails to acknowledge the holistic work that goes into maintaining a home.
Andrew should not equate financial contributions with expecting Sophie to be his housekeeper. The value of different tasks and responsibilities should be recognized and respected within a partnership.
Open Communication Will Be Key
In order to address this situation, it is crucial for Andrew and Sophie to have an open and honest conversation about their expectations, needs, and roles within the relationship.
They may benefit from finding a compromise that works for both of them, considering factors such as their individual workloads, financial capabilities, and personal preferences.
Seeking couples therapy or counseling could also provide a supportive and neutral space to navigate these issues.
Finding Balance and Mutual Understanding
Ultimately, Andrew and Sophie need to find a balance that satisfies both of them and promotes mutual understanding and respect within their relationship. Hopefully, they can reach an agreement before this escalates too far.
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The post His Girlfriend Won’t Cook and Clean to His High Standards Despite Earning Less – Who’s in the Right? first appeared on Wealthy Living.
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock /UfaBizPhoto. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.
This post is based on Reddit but the names have been changed.