This mother made her daughter go on a play date with a girl she didn’t like. Should she really have been surprised when it didn’t end well?
Mother and Daughter
The Original Poster (OP) is a 38-year-old mother with a 10-year-old daughter (M).
M attends an after-school program where she befriended another 10-year-old girl (L).
OP has some familiarity with L’s mother (D), as they had older children in the same class a few years ago.
A Very Loud Child
M has mentioned on multiple occasions that L can be too loud, invade personal space, and ask rude questions.
OP has advised M that she doesn’t have to be friends with L, but she should still be polite.
The Child Is Autistic
Later on, D confided in OP that L is on the autism spectrum, which OP had already suspected.
Suggested Play Date
OP was recently contacted by D, who invited M to join her and L for a day trip to the aquarium during a day off school.
Daughter Reluctant to Go
Although M initially expressed reluctance, OP had already agreed to the outing and encouraged M to attend, reminding her that L doesn’t have many friends and it might be a good opportunity to get to know her better.
Eventually, M agreed to go, albeit reluctantly.
After M, L, and D left for the aquarium, OP received a call from her sister-in-law (SIL), who had coincidentally taken her own son there and was leaving as the trio arrived.
Daughter Wants to Leave With Her Aunt
Upon seeing her aunt, M immediately expressed a desire to leave with her.
However, SIL was reluctant to take her without permission.
OP felt embarrassed and ashamed of M’s behavior toward L.
A Scolding Phone Call
OP requested to speak to M and asked SIL to take her aside to speak privately.
OP scolded M for being extremely rude and reminded her of how L must have felt after she went with her only to have M want to leave immediately.
Whining and Grumpy
M kept insisting that she didn’t want to be there and began to whine.
She Gives In
Finally, OP instructed SIL to bring M home.
OP acknowledged that as rude as M’s behavior was, it would have been worse for D and L to deal with M’s grumpiness and whining.
A Telling Off
After SIL brought M home, OP confronted M and scolded her for being rude to L.
OP expressed that it wouldn’t have hurt M to spend one afternoon doing something nice for someone else.
An Unhappy Girl
However, M remained steadfast in her disinterest in befriending L and went to her room.
Feeling remorseful, OP called D to apologize for M’s behavior.
Although D was gracious, she did mention that L had cried and they had to leave early because she wasn’t having a good time.
D also mentioned that she had not yet paid for M’s pass, so no money was wasted.
In an attempt to make amends, OP sent D the money for their passes, feeling bad that they were unable to enjoy the outing due to M’s behavior.
Husband Responds With Fury
When OP’s husband found out about the incident, he became very upset with OP and accused her of violating M’s autonomy, placing the blame solely on her. OP felt that her husband’s reaction was an overreaction.
She noted that her husband then took it upon himself to coddle M by taking her to dinner alone.
Several Reddit users criticized OP’s behavior and felt that she was in the wrong for forcing M to spend time with L.
Many felt that OP failed to advocate for M’s needs, especially since M had expressed discomfort around L due to her boundary violations.
Users pointed out that while it’s important to teach children to step out of their comfort zones and tolerate people they don’t like, 10 years old are too young to force it unilaterally. Some users went as far as to say that OP was teaching M that her needs were secondary to those of others and that this type of messaging could lead to future problems.
Other users pointed out that forcing the girls to spend time together was hurtful to both M and L, especially since L likely wanted to be friends but was struggling due to her autism.
Users also noted that OP’s behavior could cause lasting damage to M’s boundaries and comfort levels, which could have far-reaching consequences in the future. In general, the Reddit consensus was that OP was in the wrong for ignoring M’s boundaries and pushing her to spend time with someone she didn’t want to be around.
What would you do in this situation? Would you have forced the daughter to stay? Share your comment!
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The post Mother Makes Daughter Go on a Play Date With a Child She Doesn’t Like – Look How That Turned Out! first appeared on Wealthy Living.
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This post is based on Reddit but the names have been changed.