When they thought this new mom was sleeping, her mother-in-law and relative began criticizing her parenting. She can’t unhear that judgment and doesn’t want to join them on a family trip. Should she go?
Years of Infertility
The original poster (OP), who is 37 years old, and her husband, who is 35 years old, gave birth to their child around a year ago after years of fertility treatments.
OP says that her MIL is a nice woman but can be rather intense. She loves spending time with her son, as he is her first grandson.
Supporting a Strong Bond
OP is okay with this since she enjoys spending time with her and wants her son to develop close ties with her.
She Doesn’t Want to Interfere
MIL emphasizes that she doesn’t want to interfere or be a bother. However, MIL is quite close to a cousin with whom she frequently visits when she watches the kid. The cousin is an aunt to OP’s husband, and they get along very well.
The cousin is a great person, and she works in the medical sector. As a result, MIL believes everything she says about parenting to be true.
In contrast to her MIL, the cousin has no problem expressing her viewpoint or acting as if every situation involves a safety concern.
She used to rant about the feeding bottles saying they are too chilly, and even indoors where it’s 70 degrees, she says that OP’s child must always wear a hat.
She’s Under Her Influence
The cousin influences OP’s MIL, so she hears remarks about the cousin’s weekly suggestions for improving OP’s parenting.
Highly Critical of Her Mothering
OP also had a strange experience where she overheard the two discussing how she wasn’t doing a good enough job of being a mother because, after her c-section, she had three hernias.
She ended up in the hospital, and contracted MRSA, which made it difficult for her to breastfeed her baby and forced her to supplement with formula.
She Felt Like a Failure
OP says that she felt like a failure and had awful PPD and PPA when she overheard them talking about her as they believed she was asleep.
Now, the family is planning a vacation together, and the in-laws insist that the couple stays in a large rental house with them.
The husband’s brothers are pressuring them to stay in the house as the father-in-law is in poor health, but the thought of being under the same roof as the cousin is exhausting and depressing to OP.
Precious Family Time
OP has limited vacation time and wants to spend quality time with her family rather than being stressed out by her MIL’s cousin.
The husband is torn between his wife’s wishes and his brothers’ requests, making it challenging for him.
Doubting Her Decision
Now OP wonders whether she was wrong for not wanting to go on the vacation and staying together.
Redditors showered their support for OP, saying that she is a warrior and they understand her struggles.
One comment read:
“Your MIL and this cousin have been around for your fertility struggles and difficult delivery, and instead of supporting you they blatantly judge your parenting. I understand the FIL is not in the best health, but needing to be there 24/7 is unnecessary especially since other families will be there.
Why does this need to be an all-or-nothing, match our devotion or you’re the terrible type of situation?”
Mom and Baby are Top Priority
Another Redditor pointed out that her top priority is the welfare of her child and her own.
The Redditor went on to say that OP should assert her needs for the welfare of her family and give herself permission to have some self-love time.
It’s a Common Conflict
It’s common in many families where in-laws often want to be a part of their grandchildren’s lives and share their experiences.
However, sometimes this enthusiasm can become overbearing and cause friction between the new parents and their extended family.
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