A recent post on Reddit saw a devoted brother asking if he to blame for bringing up something he knew his grandparents didn’t want to hear.
A Devoted Brother
This devoted brother is 26 years old and has a big family.
Neglected by His Mother
When he was seven, his dad and mom adopted his cousin (on his mom’s side).
His mother was treating him incredibly poorly and not looking after him.
Dad Becomes Estranged
His cousin became his brother, but sadly, his dad became estranged from most of his family.
A Diverse Family
He explains it like this: “My brother is white. Dad is black. Mom is white. And my sisters and I are dark skinned. But we are biracial, obviously.”
Dad’s Side of the Family Reject The Child
His dad’s side of the family didn’t want him to take in a white child, and when he did, they slowly became estranged over time.
Grandparents Want to See the Family
They hadn’t seen or heard from that side of the family in years until recently.
An aunt contacted him and his sisters, explaining that their grandparents wanted to see them because they were old and ill.
Dad Refuses to See Them
Their dad refused to see them, but his brother encouraged the rest of them to visit the extended family.
At that first visit, on arrival, he could tell that nobody in the family had changed their opinion about his brother.
Not Your “Brother”
When he called him “brother,” his extended family corrected him, calling his brother his “cousin.”
It frustrated this devoted brother, so he began to make a point of saying brother instead of his brother’s name.
He made sure everyone knew that his brother was the most like his dad out of all the kids.
He says, “the girls and I take after mom but my brother and dad, outside of skin color, are like personality twins and even how they carry themselves is uncanny.”
He knew this bothered his dad’s family, specifically the grandparents.
After they’d visited a few times, the extended family confronted him for mentioning all this business in front of sick older people.
Acting Like a Child
He told them they should be glad he returned at all because they’d already disrespected his family.
They disagreed and said he was acting like a child, not a 26-year-old man.
A Cutting Reply
His final cutting reply was that by hating a seven-year-old child who had needed a family, they were the ones acting like children.
Cut Off The Family
After that exchange, he and his sisters decided not to go back.
His brother said he doesn’t want to be the reason that they can’t reconnect with their dad’s side of the family, but they assured his brother it’s about them, not him.
They told him, “we’re a family, and nobody gets to deny that or make us feel bad about it.”
Pressure to Apologize
However, now more contact has been made by the extended family.
They think he has to apologize before it’s too late.
Blamed for Grandparents Poor Health
Their grandparents’ health has declined, and they blame him and his behavior for this decline!
He ends the post by asking if he is to blame.
Absolutely Not Ok
One users opinion was that this poster was not to blame, “Your dad’s side of the family all sound terrible. I think what you did was actually pretty darned restrained to be honest. All you did was refer to your brother as your brother.”
They continued, “I’m all for calling out hateful people and their crappy behavior and I think the way you went about it was the most polite you could have possibly been.”
The devoted brother replied to this comment, saying, “They’re just the worlds biggest hypocrites. Talking about how every kid deserves love and how no kids should be treated differently to others and then they go and do the very same thing.”
ABrandybuckandaTook’s comment had over 500 upvotes, making it the second-highest comment.
SnooSprouts6712 agreed with the overall sentiment, saying, “Being old and sick doesn’t get you a free pass to be a controlling, racist.”
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Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Pathdoc. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.
This post is based on Reddit but the names have been changed.