This person took to Reddit to ask whether she was in the wrong for wanting more alone time away from her partner after a year of practically living together.
The Original Poster (OP), aged 22, has been living happily together with her 22-year-old partner for a year.
OP characterizes her demeanor as calm, reserved, and rather stiff. The very reverse is true with her partner. He is impulsive, touchy, and highly sensitive to both positive and negative emotions.
However, recently, they have had many quarrels about the same issue they’ve been having.
She Needs Space
OP shares that her partner has been spending every day and night at her apartment for the past year without her parent’s knowledge. As a foreign student reliant on her parents for financial support, she became aware of how this arrangement has affected her personal development, studies, and ambitions.
Plus, her partner hadn’t contributed to any of their expenses until last month, when they started sharing the cost of groceries due to OP’s limited financial means.
OP’s partner is currently emotionally reliant on her, so she realized she needs to regain a sense of balance and prioritize her own needs. She proposed a schedule where they spend weekdays apart and spend weekends together.
The Proposed Schedule
OP made an effort to explain this to him in the most delicate manner possible, giving him all her “good reasons” in the hopes that they would make sense to him.
Instead, he believed that OP was losing interest in him, kicked the wall, and started crying as a result of this. He became emotional and hadn’t fully recovered.
He wasn’t happy, saying it was strange that OP was making this change after a year, but OP replied it is not because she doesn’t feel anything for him.
OP explained to him that she has realized that she’s not ready to purposefully move in with him, something her parents would be strongly against.
She Wasn’t Ready for the Commitment of Moving In
Eventually, they agreed and carried on.
However, since this “day rationing” between them began, he has routinely become emotional.
Recently, OP had had enough of consoling him since she was worn out and carried on with her studies.
As a result, he started sobbing and wrote a message saying, “Every day I spend with you, I get hurt. I love you so much I’m blind and can’t see it,” and left.
This made OP feel awful, and she began to wonder whether she could be handling this situation poorly because of her partner’s frequent, strong responses and whether her desire for more alone time is hurting him.
She took to Reddit to ask for opinions, and many sided with OP saying she was not wrong.
His Behavior Is Not Healthy
One Redditor said that OP’s partner’s traits are not healthy and that she should take him for professional help.
Another Reddit user wrote, “His behaviors are very concerning. I’m not sure if he’ll potentially become physically abusive later, though kicking the wall is a red flag. At the very least, he’s way too dependent on you. He very clearly needs therapy to help him cope when he cannot be around you.”
A third Redditor pointed out that this guy isn’t actually ready for a relationship, as he’s unstable and manipulative.
So what is your opinion? What would you do? Did OP do the right thing?
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