Today’s relationship woes come from a 26-year-old woman who just found out that the guy she’s been dating has a secret family on Facebook! Read on for all the juicy details.
A New Relationship
Our original poster (OP) has been dating a man, whom we will call Mark, for about six or seven months.
The relationship started slowly and casually, as OP was still healing from a past relationship, but as time went on, they began to spend more and more time together and do all the things that couples do.
However, there was always something in the back of OP’s mind that felt off, but she brushed it off as paranoia and trust issues from past experiences.
One day, while they were in bed together, OP was scrolling through Facebook when she came across Mark’s profile as a suggested friend. She made a playful joke about stalking his pictures, but when Mark took the phone and looked at the profile, OP saw something that shocked her.
His Facebook Profile Showed More
She kept seeing the same child, a boy about six or seven years old, in Mark’s pictures, and as she read the captions, it dawned on her that this child was probably his son. When she asked him about it, he acted like it was all normal, but OP’s shock quickly turned into confusion and mistrust.
Mark explained that the situation with the child’s mother was complicated and that it was a one-time accidental pregnancy. He said that she and the child lived abroad, which OP later confirmed on Facebook, but she also found many photos of them together as a couple before the baby was even born, which Mark had lied about.
He didn’t initiate any conversation about the news unless OP pressed for information, and when she asked him why he never mentioned this, he said that it was private. He would’ve told her eventually, but the longer it went on, the harder it was to say.
He Visited His Family
After this revelation, Mark had some time off work to visit his family for a few weeks, during which time OP was left to process the news on her own.
She tried to understand how massive this was and why Mark had kept it a secret from her for so long. Meanwhile, Mark was very active on social media but didn’t reach out to her once to check if she was okay or just to check up on her at all.
When the time of Mark’s return was approaching, OP reached out to him with a voice message saying that it would be good to see him and that they should meet and talk about how to move forward.
Mark opened the message but never replied, and the following day, OP sent him two angrier voice messages expressing how rude and unacceptable it was for him to ignore her, especially given that she had just found out he had another life and had messed up and didn’t even try to explain it.
Mark responded, saying he was back that night, but when OP asked him if he thought it was funny, he said “No” with a shy face emoticon.
He tried to deflect and make a joke out of the situation, but when OP asked him if that’s all he was going to say, he read the message and didn’t reply. The next day, he proceeded to post a million and one things on his Instagram story, showing off his day.
She had a bad reaction to this – the combination of fear, abandonment triggers, panic, anxiety, and sadness caused her to have a little meltdown, and she ended up deleting the app so she could avoid constantly checking up on him.
Should She Move On?
Now she’s stuck. She doesn’t know how to move forward in this situation and doesn’t know how to feel, act, or say.
She’s hurt that Mark doesn’t consider her enough to want to even sit down and talk, and it’s messing with her head. She feels small, and she doesn’t feel good about the idea of seeing or talking to him.
She knows that space is good, but she’s also aware that the longer it goes on she’ll feel lonely and fearful at some point and will be tempted to reach out to Mark again to have this talk and be right back where she was before.
Reddit users were sympathetic to this girl’s position. One user said, “Do not waste your time with this dirtbag. I’m sorry you put your faith in someone only to be lied to and let down yet again. Believe me, I know how soul-crushing that is.
You deserve so much better than this guy. He has no respect for you and clearly not his kid, GF/wife/baby mom/whatever, or himself, honestly. You have no business with someone like that, and he’s gonna suck the life right out of you.
Don’t even contact him again, just block him on everything and move on. Cling to your besties and support people, eat your favorite foods, do some self care, and feel the GOOD things you couldn’t feel because he was clouding it all with his trash.”
What do you think about her situation? What sort of advice would you offer her?
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Krakenimages.com. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.