Problem relatives are a nightmare, but reading a revenge story when they’re involved is always satisfying! This woman’s tale is years in the making, and she only achieved it with the help of her six-month-old baby. This is a hilarious read.
Revenge That’s Been Brewing
The original poster (OP), a woman in her late thirties, has just served up a delicious dish of revenge that she’s been marinating for two decades. The target of her revenge is her cousin Leah, whom she despises.
A family gathering over Easter provided the perfect opportunity for OP to serve up her dish.
Various family members attended the gathering, including OP’s Aunty and her daughter, Leah. Leah was the daughter of Aunty Deb, who wasn’t actually related to OP’s family by blood.
She was married to OP’s Uncle Robert, who had come out to Australia on the same ship as OP’s father, and the two had been like brothers ever since.
Due to his frail health, Uncle Robert was now in a nursing home, and OP was his medical decision-maker.
An Annoying Cousin
OP makes it clear from the outset that she can’t stand Leah. However, she loves her aunt and uncle, and as the medical decision-maker, she has to tolerate Leah’s presence.
OP had a laundry list of reasons for disliking Leah, but the edited highlights were that she did mean and hurtful things and then brushed them off with excuses like “I didn’t mee-ean to” or “I was only trying to hell-elp” or “I’m just say-ing what I fee-eel.”
One of the most hurtful things Leah had done was to try to stop OP’s sisters from attending their mother’s funeral 20 years ago because they were foster siblings and not “real family.”
A Difficult Personality
This behavior has been going on for years, and OP has had enough of it. Leah was also an Olympic hopeful in the heavy-weight competitive child-raising event, according to OP.
She seemed to be obsessed with proving that her children were superior to everyone else’s, even babies.
During the family gathering, Aunty Deb and Leah arrived with a frilly green dress and matching bloomers for OP’s six-month-old daughter, “Vampira” (she has two teeth, and likes fingers.)
While OP was busy settling in the adult guests and handing out chocolate eggs to the younger children, her partner Matt dressed Vampira in her new outfit.
Aunty Deb had a cuddle with Vampira and asked Leah to take a couple of photos. Leah started talking about how her Wonder Kids were able to sit up and “play the grand piano” at four months old.
A Tummy Ache…
When Vampira started getting squirmy and irritable, Matt said she probably had a tummy ache and tried to take her back. Leah kept saying she was good with babies and that she would soon get Vampira settled.
Matt and OP told Leah in increasingly loud and firm tones to give Vampira back, but Leah kept insisting Vampira would settle down for her.
After a while, Vampira relaxed and gave Leah a toothy smile. Leah beamed back and said, “See, I told you!” But just seconds later, she shoved a wailing Vampira back at Matt and sprinted for the bathroom. OP soon found out why.
She Gave Her a Poonami!
She hadn’t told L that they had been introducing cereals into Vampira’s diet, and it hadn’t been going well. Vampira had unleashed a poonami, which leaked out of her nappy, up the back of the new dress, and onto Leah.
And it was one of her most odiferous efforts yet. Matt did a clean-up and complete outfit change and gave Vampira her favorite teething dragon, so she was soon happy-ish. But the green dress and bloomers were beyond saving, and Leah’s top might not make it either.
At dinner, the meal started with pureed “veggie soup,” and OP’s middle sister offered Leah the chance to feed Vampira, given that she was “good with babies.” Leah angrily declined, but OP used the opportunity to get her revenge.
It Was Finally Time for Revenge
Pretending to pout, OP accused Leah of hurting Vampira’s feelings and repeated the same excuse that Leah had used for her hurtful behavior over the years: “But she didn’t mee-ean to.”
OP had been waiting nearly 20 years for her chance to say that back to Leah, and it felt good.
Reddit users loved this woman’s tale. One user said, “Oh my, that was dead on! And every time you see her for the next few years (or forever, your call), you get to sing-song say to your sweet Vampira, “Now what aren’t we going to do today?” and she says, “Poop on Leah!!”. And she’ll be so happy to say it because she knows it makes you laugh and laugh.”
What do you think about this hilarious revenge tale? Leah will certainly think twice before ignoring the OP’s requests in the future.
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Mix and Match Studio. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.