In this story, we explore Jen’s dilemma of whether to continue participating in a wedding and friendship that has become one sides.
Jen and Olivia, childhood friends who have shared countless conversations about marriage and always being there for each other, found their friendship tested when Olivia got engaged.
Excited about her friend’s upcoming wedding, Jen eagerly assisted Olivia’s fiancé in picking out the perfect engagement ring. After the engagement Olivia asked Jen to be her Maid of Honor; Jen was overjoyed!
In February, Olivia approached Jen, along with three other close friends, and asked them to be bridesmaids for her wedding in July 2023.
Excitement Turns to Confusion
However, the excitement soon turned into confusion and hurt for Jen. During a conversation among the friends, one of them asked who would be the Maid of Honor. Jen was about to raise her hand, and another friend was about to mention her name when Olivia abruptly stated that she wouldn’t have a Maid of Honor.
According to her, they were all too close to her, and she didn’t want to choose one over the others. Jen felt blindsided and hurt by this decision, wishing Olivia had at least mentioned it to her beforehand.
It Gets Worse
To make matters worse, Olivia called Jen on a Saturday to inform her that she wouldn’t have a plus-one for the wedding! Olivia explained that she and her fiancé were renting an Airbnb for the venue and wanted to keep the wedding intimate, limited to close friends and family.
She stated that plus-ones were only for those who were living together or engaged. However, Jen later discovered that she was the only bridesmaid whose significant other wasn’t coming.
One of the bridesmaids was engaged, and the other was living with her partner. As for the third bridesmaid, Maria, although she wasn’t living with her partner or engaged, Olivia still gave her a plus one. Jen couldn’t understand why Maria had a plus one when she wasn’t as close to Olivia as the rest of them.
Looking for Answers
Feeling hurt and singled out, Jen began questioning the reasons behind this choice. She reached out to another bridesmaid, who revealed that Jen’s partner wasn’t coming because the bride and groom didn’t feel comfortable having him there and didn’t particularly like him!
This revelation surprised Jen since Olivia had only met her partner of three years three times. To the best of Jen’s knowledge, her partner had always been polite and kind during those encounters.
However, there was one incident during a Halloween party at Olivia’s place that might have influenced their opinion. The roommate walked in on Jen changing, ignoring the lack of privacy and rummaging through the room. Both Jen and her partner were shocked and didn’t know how to react, with her partner doing his best to cover her up. Jen had confided in Olivia about the uncomfortable incident, but instead of providing support, Olivia had laughed it off.
As the night progressed, the roommate continued to make offensive and derogatory remarks, even causing another guest to cry with his hurtful comments. Jen was appalled by his behavior, and her boyfriend had almost got into a tussle with him over his bad behavior!
A Change in Behavior
Since that incident, Jen noticed a change in Olivia’s treatment of her. Olivia didn’t seem to approve of Jen moving in with her significant other, and her disapproval apparently dictated how she treated Jen as a friend.
The current situation with the wedding further deepened the hurt and confusion Jen felt, believing that Olivia hadn’t handled things in the right way. While the other bridesmaids had been asked about their plus-ones and had advised Olivia to be upfront about her reasoning, Jen had yet to confront her friend about the issue fully.
Now faced with the dilemma of whether to continue participating in the wedding, Jen contemplated the impact Olivia’s handling of the situation would have on their friendship in the future. She couldn’t bear the thought of being in a place where her partner wasn’t welcome.
Should she bow out now and prioritize her own happiness, or should she suppress her feelings and continue with the stressful wedding preparations?
The decision weighed heavily on Jen’s mind as she pondered the fate of their friendship and her own well-being.
Reflect on Your Friendships
Redditors chimed in with their advice, urging Jen to reflect on her boundaries and assess who truly qualifies as a friend during this stage of life. They emphasized the importance of not sacrificing one’s own well-being for the sake of others, and many suggested that Jen should bow out of the wedding and consider ending the friendship altogether.
They pointed out the inconsistent and passive-aggressive behavior displayed by Olivia, affirming that Jen’s feelings of hurt and singling out were valid reasons to step away. Ultimately, the consensus was that Jen deserved better and should prioritize her own happiness and the well-being of her relationship.
It is important to assess and set boundaries in relationships, understanding what we are willing to tolerate and what we deserve. If a friendship becomes toxic or one-sided, it is not wrong to prioritize our own well-being and walk away. We should surround ourselves with people who value and appreciate us, treating us and our loved ones with kindness and inclusion.
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Elizaveta Starkova. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.