In a recent Reddit post, a concerned sibling seeks advice regarding a sensitive situation surrounding their brother’s upcoming wedding. Here’s the full story.
A Progressive Family
The Original Poster’s (OP) family, despite being raised in a traditional Jewish household, has embraced interfaith relationships.
All of them, including OP, continue to follow Judaism, but they have all found lasting relationships with non-Jewish spouses.
OP’s brother is soon to be wed, and while she hasn’t yet met her brother’s fiancée’s parents, the fiancée is a great person. Other than “commercial Christmas” (family meal and gift opening), she doesn’t practice any religion and is an atheist.
Her brother has been dating her for a while, and the fiancée’s parents are covering a large portion of the cost of the wedding, which is pretty upscale.
A Wedding With Traditional Jewish Elements
OP’s brother revealed to her months ago that they were going to have a chuppah (the canopy under which they get married), stomping on a glass after they were married, and the ketubah (Jewish marriage document) in their ceremony.
Together, they drafted the ketubah, which was then created and translated into Hebrew as traditional ketubahs are read in Hebrew.
OP’s brother requested that the ketubah be read aloud by his siblings during the wedding ceremony. While his fiancée’s siblings read the English translation, he wanted his siblings to read the Hebrew text.
Since they chose the language to reaffirm their relationship, OP’s brother claimed it was the most significant aspect of the ceremony to them.
His Future In-Laws Want to Scrap the Reading in Hebrew
Things took a turn when OP’s brother informed her through text message a few weeks ago that they intended to change course and forgo reading the ketubah in Hebrew.
Since he mentioned that was the “most important part,” OP questioned why.
Her brother said that when they went through the rehearsal of the wedding with his fiancée’s parents, they “recommended” that he rethink the ketubah being read because most guests don’t know Hebrew.
OP said that it was still inclusive because it is being read in English.
But now his fiancée informed him that she didn’t want to do it in Hebrew based on her parents’ comments. But he still wanted to perform it in both languages.
He Had Said It Was the Most Significant Part for Him
OP’s husband, who is not Jewish, said that this was anti-Semitic because OP’s brother was emphasizing the most significant cultural aspect.
OP mentioned the idea to her brother during a conversation, and he became quite agitated and called OP a jerk for even thinking like that.
OP felt bad for saying that, and she took to Reddit to ask if she was wrong.
Several Redditors said that OP was not in the wrong and that the parents were wrong for not respecting traditions.
The Parents Should Respect His Traditions
One Reddit user pointed out that taking an important element out of the ceremony, specifically one that was so culturally important to the groom, sounds anti-Semitic.
Another Reddit user commented, “I’m not a religious person (raised catholic), but if I was marrying someone that upheld their religious traditions even if they are in a language I don’t understand, I’d still want to participate because it’s important to them.”
A third Redditor wrote, “The fact is that your brother wanted to do this, and so did his fiancée. It’s just her parents making it into an issue. She and he should be standing their ground on this, but it’s ultimately their choice if they want to kowtow or not. I don’t think you should push your opinion any further unless he asks for it, but I do think her parents are wrong for trying to change up something about the wedding that they shouldn’t even be involved in.”
So what is your opinion? Do you think OP was wrong for what she said?
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Cookie Studio. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.