This woman recently lost her father, and now she suspects that her mother is trying to move in with her. She’s helping however she can but draws the line at letting her move in.
A Happy Family Home
The Original Poster (OP) is 30 years old and lives in a small three-bedroom house with her husband and their two young children, aged six months and three years.
Following the passing of her 76-year-old father in January 2023, her 67-year-old mother wants to sell their house, relocate closer to her OP, and retire as soon as possible.
They Helped Her Prepare Her House for Sale
Over the course of multiple weekends, OP and her husband dedicated numerous hours to assisting her mother in decluttering, disposing of items, donating belongings, and organizing the contents of her spacious three-bedroom house, which had not been decluttered in 30 years.
OP supported her mother in making crucial decisions regarding her retirement, helping her determine if it was financially viable, albeit requiring frugality.
Her mother had little knowledge of bill payments or their household budget, as her late father had handled those responsibilities. The couple willingly offered their assistance, remaining deeply involved in guiding her through these significant life changes.
She Wants to Stay With Them Temporarily
Early on, the mother asked if she could potentially stay with them temporarily if her house sold before finding an apartment. In response, the couple expressed their willingness to help, but due to the limited space in their cramped house, they could only accommodate her for a few weeks to a month. They suggested contacting a friend if she needed a more extended stay.
Initially, her mother expressed gratitude for their offer. However, as time passed, she began questioning their reasons for not wanting her to stay with them, asking things like, “Why don’t you want me to stay?” or “Which one of you doesn’t want me to stay?” in an interrogative tone.
She Wasn’t Actively Looking for Somewhere Else to Live
Around this time, they noticed her mother’s lack of effort in actively seeking an alternative living arrangement, apart from applying to a few apartment buildings with extensive wait lists. They reiterated that she could still stay with them, but only if she actively pursued finding a suitable place to live.
Now, with her mother’s house set to sell, she had to vacate the premises by May 31, and yet she had not secured an apartment. With just 11 days remaining, her mother called them. While the timeline had accelerated unexpectedly, her mother had agreed to the increased timeframe.
She mentioned being on the waitlist for a new apartment building, estimating it might become available in a month, although there was no definite opening date.
She Made Excuses
Despite their insistence, her mother presented numerous excuses for not seeking an alternative, such as feeling safe only in that particular location and requiring in-unit laundry facilities and a garage for her car during winter.
Understanding the urgency of the situation, they informed her that she could not live with them unless they helped find an available apartment immediately or in the near future. In response, her mother stated she would rather live in her car with her cat and use gym showers than search for another place to live.
Upon firmly setting her boundaries in a calm manner, her mother’s final words were, “Okay, fine, I bet your father is smiling down on you,” followed by unfriending her on Facebook.
Maintain Your Boundaries
“Your mum is being manipulative and entitled. I’m glad you set your boundaries. They’ll protect you and your family.” One Redditor responded.
“I have to wonder if maybe a part of it is…she’s lonely? Not only losing her husband of however many years, if it was in part due to old age, then she also is gonna be thinking about how it’s probably almost her time as well,” one concerned user questioned.
Another user simply said, “Don’t use your kids as a retirement plan.”
What do you think? Should she let her mom move in with her until she finds a new place, or did this boundary need to be set?
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Roman Samborskyi. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.