A frustrated user asked the Reddit community if they were in the wrong for telling their parents they would not take care of them when they were older and would need assistance.
A Distant Relationship
The Original Poster (OP) has been somewhat non-communicative with her family for nearly ten years, although she believes that her family is unaware of this fact. OP clarified that she does not actively avoid her family members but only responds to phone calls every few months.
OP came to the realization that she was the odd one out in her family and that this situation was unlikely to change. She felt that her family members would never truly accept them for who she was.
In contrast to their Asian gangster upbringing where high-end clothing and expensive cars were the norms, OP considered herself to be a “white-washed” kid.
A “White-Washed” Kid
They were a skater and enjoyed spending time outdoors, which was not something their family understood or appreciated.
When OP was 19 years old, she experienced bullying and failed attempts at manipulation from her family members. She was often labeled as a crackhead, despite not drinking alcohol and only starting to smoke weed when they turned 22. This negative labeling was due to OP’s passion for skating.
Eventually, OP decided to move out without informing anyone, prompting their mother to demand that they return home. At this point, OP initiated a period of no contact with their family.
She Went No Contact
Over the past eight years, OP has made it clear to her mother that if she calls, it is not to criticize how she lives her life. However, despite numerous hang-ups and clear communication, OP’s mother still fails to understand and continues to call back every few weeks to discuss OP’s life.
OP became self-sufficient at a young age, having to fend for herself since grade 10. Their parents were often out of town for work, although OP later discovered that one of them was on vacation frequently and the other had a new life in Asia with a new spouse.
A Favored Child
After leaving home, OP made it her goal to take nothing and owe nothing. She felt that this was justified because her parents had consistently shown favoritism towards her sister.
Her sister received luxury items such as LV, Gucci, and D&G in grade 10, a brand-new iPhone when it first came out, and a new BMW when they turned 17 and received their license.
In contrast, OP had to pay for everything using their lunch money and their parents did not even attend their graduation ceremony. OP later found out that her parents left behind $30,000 for the six months they were away, but their sister took the money to pay their bills.
OP felt that her sister received additional support from their parents because they stayed home and did not move out until she was 27.
A New Family
Despite everything that happened, OP has still not accepted a single penny from her parents since leaving home a decade ago. She has cultivated a group of very close friends she calls her chosen family.
Despite her parent’s disapproval, OP still maintains her lifestyle, traveling almost every weekend. OP’s parents disapprove of her friends and do not appreciate her frequent traveling, as they believe OP should be working harder instead.
Despite this disapproval, OP’s sister only earns a maximum of $70k, while OP earns around $120k and has a great group of lifelong friends. OP is content with the fact that her parents are no longer a significant part of her life.
Her Parents Want Her to Care for Them
Recently, OP’s mother asked if OP would help care for them as they age. OP told her parents no, especially given their past experiences. Her parents were very upset by this answer and told OP how they felt.
This situation has weighed on OP’s mind recently, and she questions whether it is reasonable for her to feel this way. She wonders why her parents think they can get away with showing favoritism towards her sister, knowing what they provided for each child. OP is left wondering if she is the jerk for not wanting to take care of her parents when they are old.
What Redditors Said
According to Reddit users, OP is not the jerk for not wanting to take care of her parents when they are older. Some users pointed out that children do not owe their parents anything, especially if the parents have been bad parents.
Others mentioned that OP’s parents had not provided the same level of support to both of their children, and it is not fair for OP to be expected to care for their parents after their treatment.
Some users also suggested that if OP’s parents are financially well off, they should be able to make their own arrangements for their old age.
Overall, the majority of Reddit users supported OP’s decision to not care for their parents in their old age, and some suggested that OP should cut off all contact with them to avoid further criticism and negativity.
What do you think? What would you do if you were OP?
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Mix and Match Studio. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.