A young mother recently took to Reddit to ask for opinions after refusing to bend over backward to accommodate her stepmother’s demands in an upcoming visit. This is her complete story.
A New Daughter
The Original Poster (OP) is a 29-year-old woman who recently had a baby daughter. She lives in a different country from her divorced parents, and they each came to meet the baby on separate trips.
OP’s father first came to see the baby when she was a month old. And when she was seven months old, he started making plans to come back to visit again.
Bringing the Stepmother
OP’s dad wanted to bring his wife with him for the return trip. OP was okay with that, but she made it clear that the focus was on seeing her dad and having him spend time with his new granddaughter.
Even though OP laid the groundwork, OP’s stepmother started to make demands as the trip grew nearer. A week out, she asked explicitly to change plans that OP had made long before.
She Wanted to Make Changes
OP’s stepmother suddenly wanted to plan visits to faraway locations when she visited, and she wanted to change the restaurants that OP had picked out for their meals. She even suggested changing the dates of their visit to suit her.
As her stepmother grew more and more demanding, OP became more frustrated. She had spent a lot of time and effort organizing the trip with her father and daughter in mind.
So OP continued to push back when her dad’s wife made her demands, but the demands kept coming anyway. The stepmother’s texts became a real source of dread for OP.
The Demands Wouldn’t Stop
It all came to a head when the stepmother decided that she just HAD to sightsee in a particular town when she and her husband visited OP.
The trouble was that the town was 2 hours away from where OP lives, and the stepmother wanted everyone to go on the side trip. She made this request even though she knew OP had everything planned out.
OP told her stepmother that there was no way she was doing a 4-hour roundtrip with her infant just so her dad’s wife could see a town. She suggested that her stepmother could rent a car and go on her own time.
It Had to Stop
That response annoyed OP’s stepmother, and she said she was already going to be spending her own time by coming to visit. She also told OP that she had always wanted to visit that specific town, and it was selfish of the younger woman to deny her that opportunity.
OP was fed up at that point and told her stepmother that “plus ones” don’t get to dictate the schedule when they visit. She also said that she didn’t have to come if she didn’t like OP’s plans.
She Feels Unwelcome
OP’s dad followed up with her after that exchange, and he was angry because he said she made her stepmother feel unwelcome. OP told him that his wife was welcome to come along but that she needed to respect the purpose of the visit.
OP then reminded her dad what that purpose was – for him to spend more time with his granddaughter after six months apart.
Redditors are divided in their opinions of this story. Many commenters think OP is completely justified for telling her stepmother that she doesn’t get to call the shots.
Maybe She Was Too Rude
Others think OP is primarily correct but that she was unnecessarily rude in her responses to her dad’s wife.
And some Redditors think that OP is too inflexible and could give her stepmother a little leeway in picking a restaurant or day trip here and there.
Was OP right for shutting down her stepmother’s requests? Or was she too curt in her responses? And should OP allow any room for her stepmother to make suggestions about the itinerary of their visit?
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Asier Romero. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.