A woman suffering from a chronic illness took to Reddit to vent about her mother! Her mom is constantly demanding she has kids, and she’s at her wit’s end with her.
She Doesn’t Want Kids
Our protagonist, the Original Poster (OP), has always known that she didn’t want to be a mother. As a young girl, she never played with dolls or expressed any interest in caring for children. She never felt that maternal urge that so many women describe, and as she grew older, she became increasingly certain that she didn’t want to have kids.
At the age of 27, OP’s life was thrown into chaos when she was diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS). Her diagnosis followed an injury to her dominant hand, which had occurred 2.5 years earlier.
Her Illness Affected Her Entire Life
Her CRPS affected her entire right side, from her fingertips to the side of her neck and stomach. OP was in constant, excruciating pain, which she rated as a 7-10 out of 10. Her normal daily life was incredibly difficult, and she relied heavily on her partner to help her with even the most basic tasks.
OP’s CRPS made it impossible for her to do things that many people take for granted. She couldn’t put on or take off shirts or bras, cut up her food, write, wash, or put her hair up alone. She couldn’t even submerge her hand in water without feeling intense pain.
Tasks like preparing dinner, doing the washing up, and vacuuming were impossible due to the vibrations they caused. Traveling was also incredibly difficult for OP, as the vibrations from a car would leave her bedridden for two days with a spew bucket by her side.
She Thought Motherhood Would Be Too Difficult
Given these difficulties, it was no surprise that OP had decided she didn’t want to have children. She discussed this with her mother, hoping to gain her understanding and support. Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned.
OP’s mother was insistent that she needed to have a child. She wanted a biological grandchild, and OP was the only one who could provide it. OP’s mother had 11 step-grandsons, but she wanted a biological granddaughter. She made it clear that it was now up to OP to provide her with one.
But OP knew that having a child would be impossible for her. Her CRPS made it impossible for her to care for herself, let alone a child. Pregnancy would worsen her condition and cause it to spread, and the birthing process could have catastrophic effects on her reproductive organs.
Her Mother Wanted Grandchildren
OP knew that having a child would be selfish, as she couldn’t provide that child with the life they deserved.
When OP explained this to her mother, she responded with anger and resistance. Her mother accused her of being selfish and insisted that no reputable doctor would tie her tubes. She refused to understand OP’s concerns and continued to push her to have a child.
One of the things that frustrates OP the most is that her mother has seen her in a full-blown flare-up, crying, shaking, and throwing up because of the pain. Her fingers lock up, and she has to physically pry them open after a massive pain spike that then causes severe cramping in her hand.
She has to use a walking stick or have her partner half-carry her to a bed while she’s bawling her eyes out because she can’t walk due to how much pain she’s in. Her mother has seen all of this and still has the audacity to call OP the selfish one.
She Doesn’t Think Her Help Would Be Enough
To make matters worse, OP’s mother lives 2.5 hours away and has only stayed with her for two nights in the seven years OP has lived in her current town. OP always had to travel to see her. And now, with her condition, traveling was becoming increasingly difficult.
OP felt frustrated, upset, and hurt. She loved her mother, but she was close to going no contact. She felt like her mother didn’t understand her or her condition and was more interested in having a biological grandchild than in supporting her daughter.
Her mother’s constant pressure to have a child is causing her immense distress, and instead of supporting her, she’s adding to her pain. As much as OP wants to make her mother happy, she can’t bring a child into the world she physically cannot care for.
She has extreme hypersensitivity (allodynia) in her affected limb and cannot stand having material or anything touch her arm/hand, and she wears a sling most days. If something touches her hand or brushes her hand, she will be in tears and throwing up because of the pain. She cannot even hold an empty coffee cup, let alone a child, in her hand.
She Is Frustrated
It’s frustrating and painful for OP, and it’s hard to imagine what it feels like to be in her shoes. CRPS is an incredibly cruel disease that most healthcare practitioners don’t understand.
Many people with chronic illnesses struggle with family members who put unnecessary pressure on them. It’s frustrating and hurtful, especially when they don’t take the time to understand the full extent of their loved one’s condition.
Here’s hoping that OP’s days are full of light and laughter and that her mom eases up with the demands.
What do you think? Do you know anyone suffering from CRPS?
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Cast Of Thousands. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.