He’s always preferred female friends but he may have just lost some due to his evasiveness around his sexuality. One friend had assumed he was gay and she would never have told him what she told him if she knew the truth! Should he have come out of the straight closet sooner or was she being unreasonable?
A New Job, New Friends
The Original Poster (OP) is a 33-year-old who started a new job six weeks ago, and throughout that time, he made some close connections with other trainees.
OP particularly grew to like Meg, aged 33, and Yvette, aged 26.
He Enjoys Friendships With Women
OP says he always found it easy to make friends with women as they were incredibly engaging and inquisitive people.
He Didn’t Talk With Them About His Love Life
Yvette is heterosexual, and Meg is a married lesbian. They both talked about their dating and relationship experiences, but OP did not share his relationships.
No Big Secret
OP says he is not holding a big secret and that his relationships were just normal things that were not exciting for a conversation.
He occasionally mentions his previous relationships, but he always referred to them as “my ex.”
He did not specify the gender of his ex-partners, as it seemed unnecessary to do so.
He’s Not Talking About His Sexuality
Plus, OP says he never once mentioned his sexual orientation.
Who’s Hot, Who’s Not?
OP shared an instance where Yvette asked him to comment on people he thought were attractive at the workplace, but OP said he didn’t feel comfortable having that conversation in the workplace.
A Great Date
OP recently went on a date, and he had a great time.
He Was Telling Meg About the Encounter
The situation took an unexpected turn when OP casually mentioned his successful date to Meg.
Yvette happened to be present; she wasn’t participating in the conversation because she was preoccupied with her phone.
What’s the Problem?
The following day, Yvette distanced herself from OP, prompting Meg to express concern.
Meg came over to see if everything was okay and told OP to go talk to Yvette when she returned.
If She Knew He Was Straight Things Would Be Different
Yvette said she was feeling uneasy, seeing OP’s sexuality omission as a breach of trust.
She believed that the personal information she shared may not have been disclosed had she known that OP was straight.
She Felt Preyed Upon
Yvette used words like “preying” and “feeling preyed upon,” indicating her discomfort with the situation.
OP quickly withdrew and explained to her, but she didn’t listen.
Speaking With HR
Then OP sent HR an email to explain himself to avoid any work problems.
She Agreed He’d Been Secretive
When discussing the matter with Meg, it became clear that she did not assume OP was gay but instead characterized his behavior as evasive.
Awful That She Thinks He’s A Bad Guy
OP says he is not worried about any office drama because Yvette hasn’t mentioned anything to anyone else, but he still feels bad.
He says Yvette is a good person, and he detests the notion that he was being predatory in her eyes.
Was He Doing Anything Wrong?
He asked Reddit whether he was in the wrong in the situation, and several Redditors sided with OP, saying he was not wrong.
It’s None of Their Business
One Reddit user wrote, “You don’t have to disclose who you date, love, or [sleep with]. What difference does it make if you were gay for Yvette to confide in you? Unless there’s a bunch here, you’re not telling me you’re not in the wrong. If you are crushing on Yvette, there might be a problem.”
There’s No Evidence He’s a Threat
Another Redditor commented, “Let’s say someone considers a gay person breaching their trust for not telling them they’re gay. Now if we swap it around, we have this scenario you described, and it’s just as horrible as it is if the roles were reversed.
It’s a personal thing that you shouldn’t have to point out unless you feel you must. The accusations of you being predatory are also completely insane and have no evidence whatsoever.”
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This post is based on Reddit but the names have been changed.