She Came Out as Transgender at 18 but This Gaslighting Mother Wants Her to Go Back to Being HE!

They’ve been their parents since they were 5 years old but even after all this time, it’s clear the love is not unconditional. They need to stay in the cage of the identity they were assigned at birth or lose their family. This coming-out story is transformative and liberating but shows the risks and challenges of being oneself in an unaccepting family. 

False Start at Coming Out

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The Original Poster (OP) is a 28-year-old who came out as trans when they were eighteen.

Foster Mother

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OP came out to their foster mother, who has been their mother since they were five.

Their Siblings Wouldn’t Cope

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She advised OP to keep it a secret, saying that their younger siblings would be wronged if their brother transitioned into a girl, that OP would lose the family if they did, and that OP shouldn’t tell their father.

Keep It Secret!

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OP accepted and decided to keep it a secret.

Impact On Mental Health

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This request to conceal their authentic self-identity had a profound effect on OP’s mental health, leading to depression and a range of associated challenges, including dropping out of college and experiencing periods of homelessness.

What’s Wrong With You?

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OP’s father has frequently become upset with them since he doesn’t know what might be to blame for OP’s depression.

Enough Is Enough

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OP couldn’t take it anymore and decided enough is enough.

Came Out to Everyone But Family

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They decided to come out as transgender to everyone else in their life except for their family.

Finally, They Were Themselves!

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They began embracing their authentic self in public, but in the presence of their family, they continued to present as their assigned gender. OP spends every weekend with their family.

Scruffiness Not Tolerated

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When OP’s in boy clothes, they don’t care about how they appear because those clothes aren’t what OP associates with, but their dad talked about them last week, claiming that OP’s clothes aren’t in good condition and that they look like a hobo.

WhatsApp Revelation

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As a result, motivated by the desire to be true to themselves, OP wrote a heartfelt WhatsApp message to their parents.

Caged by Clothes

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OP wrote about how their mental health has suffered because of this burdensome secret, how the boy clothes they’ve seen them wear aren’t in the best condition because they’re essentially a cage OP has to wear around the family, and how they realized they were Trans ten years ago.

Deeply Hurt

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Their father did not respond to the message, while in the following week, their mother sent a message expressing feeling deeply hurt and judged.

Their Mom Was Confused

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Moreover, she expressed her surprise that OP didn’t transition sooner and found it surprising as she informed OP that they can’t transition because it would be cruel to their younger siblings.

Mutual Trust Was Gone

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She claims that she and OP have lost all mutual trust and that she no longer desires to communicate.

Apology Ignored

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OP tried to apologize, but she quickly ignored their messages, and OP’s father didn’t respond at all.

Since OP’s mother is done with them, they sent their father a happy Easter message, but he didn’t respond to it either.

Can They Still Be a Family?

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OP is now worried about losing their family, and they took to Reddit to ask if they were wrong for what they did.

Several Redditors expressed their support for OP, saying they were not wrong and that they deserve to be who they are.

Your Mom Is Gaslighting You

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One Reddit user wrote, “Your mom is gaslighting you. I really hope you don’t lose your family over this but it also sounds like your parents are not all that accepting. I mean to pick on your clothes and not even try to understand that depression is something that just happens. I hope you find the love, kindness, and acceptance you deserve.”

You Need a Better Support System

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Another Redditor said that OP’s parents are being cruel and OP should try building a support system around them that loves and accepts them.

You Deserve So Much More!

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Another Reddit user commented, “I’m so sick and tired of seeing people in your situation. You were told to hide who you are for the comfort of somebody whose entire role in your life is supposed to be supported. You are valid and deserve to be around people who see it. Your mom owes you so much more than an apology.”

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Toxic Workplace: She Was Fired From Her Job Without Warning. Now Everything Has Fallen Apart They Want Her Back!

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“No Ring, No Bring” What Kind of Wedding Guest Policy Is That Wait Until You See the Friend’s Reaction!

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The post She Came Out as Trans at 18 but This Gaslighting Mother Wants Her to Go Back to Being He! first appeared on Wealthy Living.

Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Algonga. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.

This post is based on Reddit but the names have been changed.